Updated: Jul 13
Remembering this Divine truth — that love is who you are — is key to your healing, for your relationship to food is an area where your nervous system has lost the memory of its Divine intelligence. As you remember your own Divine truth, the cells of your body will remember theirs.
The body has a natural intelligence for creating and maintaining the perfect weight for you as long as the mind is aligned with its own perfection. Your perfect weight is coded into natural patterns of your true self, as your perfect everything is coded into the patterns of your true self. The real you knows exactly how to inhabit your body in the healthiest, happiest way, and will do so automatically when you reestablish conscious connection with spiritual reality. By getting back to the truth of who you really are, you will get to a place where all your problems with weight have disappeared.
~ Marianne Williamson, A Course in Weight Loss
Eh. Not buying it. I’m not on board with the idea that weight is a product of forgetting the Divine truth of oneself, or that it’s for any lack of SelfLove.
The times in my adult life that I’ve achieved both dramatic weight loss and healing were actually some of my most self-conscious. I was just as obsessed with the physical result as I had been previously with drinking, bingeing and smoking. My fixation on thinness wasn’t a blossoming celebration of SelfLove, but a dire, egoic hope that I finally looked good enough to be loved by someone. Another gauge by which to measure my worth. When I first healed my skin of debilitating psoriasis, lost 80+ lbs and more . . . when I graduated college, changed jobs, went entrepreneur, gave a TEDx . . . the loneliness and depression never relented. I was just as scared and insecure as ever — hard as I tried to convince myself otherwise. I wasn’t realizing my Divine truth, and nothing I did felt good enough, but damn, I looked fucking HOT.
We have such a backwards idea of externals.
Certain spiritual teachings perpetuate ideas of alignment and right thinking as the arbiters of financial abundance + all desired life experiences — that these are things we have full power to create, and if we don’t, we’re somehow disconnected from source. This has us scrambling to always say the “right” thing, avoid negativity like the plague, and beat ourselves silly when we just have a day, or get triggered (unavoidable after a convo with certain family members), and then we blame ourselves when things don’t work out because we’re not in our vortex. Then we judge others based on what we think they have or don’t, their negativity — and we sure need to get the hell away from them because we can’t be in our vortex around people who aren’t in theirs. Well, we can, but it’s a lot harder.
We’ve evolved from this think good, be rewarded system of manifestation — and it’s quite possible, this has never really been how it works. (I happen to know one or two rampantly negative, perpetual worriers with fantastic finances, in perfect health. Don’t you?)
What about those who choose to opt out of a broken system, who would rather live simply, or homelessly, because they actually prefer it? If you’ve ever dipped your toe into the books of Sylvia Browne, you’re familiar with charts — that, we as souls, map out and intentionally choose our experiences before we pop into this Earth plane, we’ve decided on circumstances that will help us spiritually expand, which is only possible through challenges, obstacles and poo experiences. No mud No lotus. In order to rise, we must have something to rise from.
How many of us blame ourselves or judge others for illness? Chalking it up to poor lifestyle choices, inactivity and too much TV, or our unwillingness to give up caffeine? What if we stepped back and peered in from a soul perspective? — this was a chosen experience, divinely mapped in order for our essence to acquire something valuable that enables us to contribute more fully to the magnificent whole.
Most of us are scrambling in the dark, trying to make meaning through a twisted mix of judgment and comparison. We compress the pressure, packing in ideas about how we, or others, are “supposed” to be, what we should have, how we should act and what we should look like — the shoulds pin us down like a barbell to the chest. Social media doesn’t fucking help (Don’t even get me started on that!).
You can be joyful, positive and broke. Fat and spiritual. Rich and emotionally bankrupt. Physically fit and depressed. You can be doing all the “right things” and become terminally ill. Haven’t we all known someone in each of these situations? Then why is it so easy for us to slap on a generic cause of a certain life experience, either for ourselves or someone else? Only we, God and the countless divine beings existing to guide us know the intricate roots of our struggles, and why we chose them. More deeply, on a number of levels, we simply aren’t able to access those answers while we remain in these bodies. Sure, we get peek-a-boos and glimpses, but the fullness of the picture as to Why, we may never fully understand or grasp until we exit this physical existence and review our life from the Other Side.
Maybe I’ve read one self-help book too many. As someone who’s fallen headfirst into spirituality, self-development and personal expansion, I’ve weathered enough exhaustion from trying to fix myself according to so-and-so’s prescription on how to live. And as someone who’s been thin, chubby, fat and places in-between, I’m officially done making determinations about my divine alignment based on my physical appearance. Because I’m more self-caring, aware, knowledgeable, spiritually attuned and live a healthier lifestyle than ever before. I’m not thin and I have a chronic skin condition. Now, I can cross my hands over my heart, and feel a deep love for who I am. Something I couldn’t fathom feeling for myself at my very thinnest, with clear skin and lots of attention from the opposite sex. Sometimes I relentlessly beat up on myself. Sometimes I’m down or whiny and negative. I’m pursuing a dream that is yet to bear financial fruit. But no longer are my experiences a specific result of something I’m doing “wrong.” There’s simply more to it than that. I don’t have all the answers, but I do believe we are meant to weave peace within our circumstances, architect creative solutions to challenges and anchor ourselves in the faith that it’s all working out, no matter what it looks like.
It’s easier to look at a fat person and chalk up that physical circumstance to some lack of self-appreciation, than to consider the compassion that learning experience breeds. It’s much harder to love oneself when things look and feel bad, but imagine the strength of character in someone who does.
The moment we declare something bad or wrong, we strip that circumstance of its ability to teach us, and that is a true failing.
We have so much to offer this universe without cluttering our progress with backwards ideas of what we need to “do” in order to “be” better. What if it’s not only okay, but meant to “be” exactly as it is, even though it looks not-great? Would embracing that idea give us permission to lift the pressure, even in the slightest? I certainly feel freer to make healthy, self-soothing, inspired choices with space, clarity, self-union and autonomy. Sans judgment, self-criticism and otherwise. 86 labels.
Maybe it’s okay to set down the self-help and simply start to live.