Social Cleansing - Part 3
I didn't realize how social media was my go-to gal for avoiding emotional discomfort until we didn't hang out anymore. I mechanically grabbed for my phone more times a day than I'd like to admit, flinching in embarrassment now that there was nothing to keep me pretend busy. I was hooked on filling time gaps with aimless scrolling! I'd tumble down the feed in moments of boredom, angst, frustration--looking for answers in someone else's life, coming up fractured from my own solutions. With no social apps to subdue my fix, I'd stare anxiously at the screen, hoping to summon another escape method.
14 days in, the withdrawal hit me hard. I was a stubby troll that day, emotions roiling, unresolved anger and resentment gushing out in pulsing spurts. If only I could lose myself in the land of turquoise jewelry, spiritual pic quotes and cat videos. I ached for a distraction. I'm glad I didn't cave, because my turmoil subsided, no scrolling necessary. On that 14th day, in a phone-free pocket of time, I evolved into a healthier way of being with myself. With just me and my emotions, I could feel full-on, then choose to stay in it or roll out. Less avoidance, more relief, in shorter time.
Just as it was harder to stay mad than let the happy in, social media had become more self-imposed overwhelm than heartfelt connection. I no longer wanted to pump out generic positivity or post everyday because that's what you're "supposed to do." I wanted more soulful sisterhood, vibrant creativity, heart-expanding ideas and inspired output. I wanted to share meaningful writings that blossomed from my free spirit. I was ready to do things differently--post what I wanted, when I wanted, in a way that felt good to me. Writing was my true life's work and social media was a limitless way to share it--if I kept it fun, fresh and 120% me.
My 61-day Social Cleanse was a glimpse into suspiciously easy productivity. Really, I gotta give the cred to Intuition, because all I did was float in the unknown and expect a next step. Sure enough, it was delivered over and over until big things were done in a blink. This method may seem woo woo, metaphysical, abstract - or all of the above - until you carve a tiny round space into the solid marble framework of "hustle." That space may be a Social Media Cleanse, phone-free time, daily meditation or any number of spirit-quenching practices. Carve out more room for the inner dreamer to play, and Flow Steps stream in so smoothly that the old hard way cracks into branching hairlines, then crevices, then BAM--it shatters.
"Why did I put myself through all that bullshit hard work?" I wondered after years of struggling, overworking, trying to prove and please, losing sleep, keeping up appearances, and never feeling good enough. My marble burst into a million Oreo crumbles so all I could accept moving forward, was easy.
We impassively recite sayings like - Slow down to speed up - without even beginning to grasp what that actually feels like. Our energy is split between the nose-to-the-grindstone, hard-work-pays-off belief system and the trust-your-intuition, one-step-at-a-time approach. We can have both, but one feels better.
Dare to try?