Jan 16, 2019
I'll weasel my way out of most anything that makes me feel genuinely good. Pretty much all of the things easily accessible, totally doable and richly fulfilling - I'll make some flimsy excuse to brush them off or procrastinate them away. When I resist myself enough, I become angsty to the point of explosion, then dive right into a Do-Do-Do mode until I burn out or get completely off track.
Rinse and repeat.
It could be 1 thing I don't do, 1 day, and I use that to justify letting everything go to shit. If I didn't floss, I'll drink coffee all day, even though after two cups I'm absolutely panicked and my heart feels like it's going to splatter the walls. If I didn't meditate, I'll watch movies instead of writing. If I'm not sitting down writing nearly first thing after my morning cleansing practices, I'll punish myself by not writing, filling my day with distracting bullshit. So. F-ing. Weird. My kooky mind.
It helps to write it down. My madness. My intentions. At least 1 thing every day I did that genuinely felt good. So I don't chalk it all up to a loss. So I use those healthful habits to move forward, instead of using what I didn't do as fuel for avoidance. When I write down a plan, I free my mind from talking myself out of it, and just go with it, give it a shot, commit. It's ok if the plan changes and evolves, it only matters that I started.