Jun 13, 2017
I opened the screen door and a rush of cool air met my skin. It was nearly mid June in Las Vegas, and a day like this was a miracle. The universe said, "Start fresh. Be free. Let me in. Come to me." It was five days before my birthday and even though I told myself I wasn't celebrating it anymore, it still lay on my mind like a lead slab. I told myself the days of assessing where I should be "by now" were over - I was no longer using my birthday to make myself feel not good enough. Maybe this miraculously cool day was my godsend, my confirmation that each day we are born again. New cells, new body, new thoughts, endless possibilities.
I opened the windows and relished the sweet air sifting through the screens. Blanketing myself in the feeling of the outside coming in. What was there to measure anymore? What was there to gain? My biggest successes were appreciating my body with healthy food, lots of water and exercise. Writing everything that came through. Feeling free in my work. Being kind. Enjoying my life. All the markers I used to impose upon my progress had been swirled into oblivion after slowing down, breathing more and relaxing often. I felt better in my life than ever before and yet I still wanted so much more. Was this new appreciation of life itself, my newfound love affair with me, the path upon which dreams are realized? Even if nothing happened as I planned, would it still be good enough and perhaps exceed my expectations?
The best I could do was love the breeze and dance in the April cool of a June day, happy to be here basking in the tiny wonder that fills my days. I lifted the lead slab of comparison, scribbled out the measurements and erased the markers, because the only success that mattered was bigger than it all and smaller than the eye could see.